Stop Hating Yourself - 7 Simple Strategies to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Coming up a little short in the self-love department? You’re not alone. A lot of people suffer from low self-esteem. Good news- you can do something about this! Here are seven simple strategies that can help move you from “I’m not good enough” to “I’m pretty fucking cool.”   

1. Cut yourself some slack. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all fail at things. Thinking we have to be “perfect” often results in comparing and judging our performance based on what other people do/think/say/feel/accomplish. This is the fast-track to misery. As Iyanla Vanzant says. “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” We all mature in our own way in our own time. It’s beautiful. Every flower has its season.

2. Recognize your inner dialogue. How do you talk to yourself? When speaking to yourself do you sound like a good friend or a mean bastard? Which one do you think is more helpful? (hint, no one likes a mean bastard) If your self-talk is negative, try turning it around by using a positive affirmation throughout the day. Examples: “I love myself.” “I am enough.” "I am strong.” Give it a try, let me know it goes.

3. Recognize what’s yours and what’s not. Can you still hear your Aunt Thelma telling you that you’ll never amount to anything? We hang on to other people’s thoughts and opinions and sometimes adopt them as our own. Most of the time this is not useful. We wind up walking around with a recording of other people’s judgments playing on repeat. Take an inventory of your thoughts and beliefs. When you find things that are not healthful or helpful, let that shit go. Recognize it for what it is- silly nonsense.  

4. Forgive yourself. All of our problems have one thing in common- us. The way we feel is our fault. Despite what many of us believe, other people are not responsible for our feelings. This is why forgiving ourselves is so uncomfortable. We don’t want to believe that we have any control over how we feel. So when we feel shitty, it’s hard to take responsibility. That’s okay. We all beat ourselves up in one way or another. Stop holding it against yourself.  Instead, be kind, have compassion for yourself. You’ve been doing the best you can at any given moment. Life isn't always pretty. Make the most of the mess.

5. Stop making unhealthy decisions. Identify the detriments to your health (ie toxic habits, thoughts, relationships, environments) and replace them with alternatives that uplift you. Toxic choices often become excuses for misery. Get honest with yourself- Ask are the toxic choices I make really worth the stress (on my health, in my relationships, with my finances, and my time)? 9 times out of 10, the answer is no. Commit to your wellbeing and discover ways to make better decisions. Asking our community members (friends, family, counselors, coaches, etc) for help/support is a great first step when we want to improve our decision-making skills.

6. Find things to be grateful for. Gratitude is an attitude that serves us. Finding even small things to be grateful for can shift your mood. Do you have feet? Awesome. Some people don’t. Do you have access to a computer? Great. Some people don’t. Create a daily gratitude list. Keep it simple. Start by identifying 3 things each day.

7. Breathe. Long deep breathing changes your blood chemistry. It’s not just a woo-woo yogi thing. Breathing actually alters the body’s chemistry. That’s a big deal. It’s what many pharmaceuticals are designed to do. Better blood chemistry can be life-changing. Breathing properly massages all of our internal organs, revitalizing them with nutrient-rich blood. When we are upset, feeling shut down, stressed, or tired, our breath tends to be shallow. This is no good. Try consciously breathing throughout the day. Take time to breathe long and deep. Count to 8 while inhaling through the nose, fill the belly first, then the chest, then the clavicles. Pause slightly (1-2 seconds). Relax, exhaling slowly through the mouth while counting to 8. If an 8 count is challenging try a 4 count. Notice the effect. (spoiler, it feels great.)

Hope you can put one or two of these strategies to work! Let me know how things go. Comment below or drop me a line at safespacehealingarts@gmail.com

Take Care, Be Kind, Have Fun

Cherie